Seasons Inbox

[shatterdriven]

You've reached Nine.

If this is important or an emergency, I'll get back to you as soon as I get your message. If not, I'll get back to you when its convenient and if I feel like it. I'm not making any promises either way.

I won't waste your time, so don't waste mine.

Comments

Re: ohhh yeah, he most definitely does u_u

[shatterdriven]

[There a lot to take in with that. The lack of pressure, reasoning for offering at all, and the weight of the offer of course.]


...I'll need to think on that for awhile. Maybe I'll come up with something, maybe I won't. But it also won't change the choice I make.

[That would be disrespecting the point altogether, he feels.]

But...thanks. For being open with me.

[splittingheadache]

[Again, Louis's expression softens... even if it looks a just a bit sad, too.]

I appreciate honesty and openness between people, even if I can't say I'm very good at returning the gesture. This is about as open as I'm consciously capable of, however -
And as part of recognition of the self in the other, I feel there's benefits in sharing these things with you.
And, thus, the offer to see what I was before still sits on the table.

[...]

That said... I must admit, I'm curious. Have others ever been open with you before? Flayed their ribs so you may see what's inside, trusting you with their most grotesque parts?
You speak as though the trust of others has been few and far between for you.

[shatterdriven]

Most people I learn through what they do, say, and how they carry themselves. Even with Dad at first. Though what he shows is closer to baring himself than it isn't I guess.

[He picks up his sandwich and takes a bite, chewing as he considers how to continue.]

The closest I got first was my best friend. He admitted to how he shattered everything after not listening to his best friend. But he only told me because of their bond and I have the same face. And any trust was built on the perception that I was just like his real friend. Breaking that broke the trust as well...almost to the point of no return.

I don't think that openness would have happened if I didn't look like someone he trusted.

[Still his best friend though.]

MK also has somewhat. Starting with something he was guilty over and had few people to talk to. More literally though, I'm now more familiar with his soul than almost anyone else here and he trusts me to handle that responsibility despite anything I might learn about him in the process. I don't pry into anything I find that's not about his health though.

And Morty...if I haven't seen the ugliest parts of him yet, then it's probably because I actually can't handle it.

[And he handled a lot of what he saw.]

Most of the people who want to be around me or mutual trust are very guarded. And I've never thought to question them because it's what's been the way most people are. Also, I got used to trusting no one and keeping myself to myself well before I had a friend.

You're the first person to try to build that bridge in a more positive way this quickly.

[splittingheadache]

[As Nine talks, Louis's going to go ahead and get to his iced tea to start with. It also gives him something to focus on as he thinks for a moment, because... he does need to think.]

So what I am hearing, then... is you've yet to have a friendship with others that did not start with some obligation.
In return for trust and openness, they expected things of you. Your best friend expected behavior that wasn't yours - MK expects care and a shoulder.
I can't say I know whom Morty is whatsoever... but if you feel that way about him, then I have no doubts that there's manipulation lurking under the surface.

Speaking from a psychoanalytical standpoint, most people don't bear their most ugly parts in their entirety without wanting something from you in return. Generally, it's done so that you feel you owe them something in return; somewhat similar to the propensity of offering gifts to later use as leverage to get what they want.

[And now he puts his cup down, having been holding it as he talks, so he can bring his own food closer.]

... If any of that hit a bullseye for you, then please know that my own openness comes with no expectations.
The only quote-unquote, "obligation" you have with me is to enjoy yourself when we spend time together. Nothing more.

[shatterdriven]

You're surprisingly close. Sonic, my best friend, needed Tails to fix things...put them back how they were because he couldn't if he'd known how to. He wanted his best friend who sees things the way he does and could fix the world he recklessly broke.

I don't follow anyone blindly, and I wasn't open to taking the risk at the time.

[He takes another bite, making sure to swallow.]

MK was falling apart because a lot of the people he was closest to were busy demonizing him for something terrible he did...to a point where it wasn't about him doing better. I was in his position right before everything ended in the Shatterverse, so I listened and I gave him my thoughts. His soul...was a consequence my mentor left him without his consent or having done anything wrong. I have the power to address that, so I chose to without him asking.

[In many senses, he feels protective of the bartender. Definitely responsible for his care when very few others can provide it if he chooses to walk away or is sent home.]

Morty is someone I could have easily turned into if pushed just a little further before I was pulled back. He sees that too in how similar we are and we both see the benefit of cooperation and openness for the purpose of safety and sharing a mission. So there's an expectation from day 1, and it's too soon to say if anything else will come from it.

There's a chance you'll see him around the house occasionally...but his main goal is to be left alone, so you might never meet him at all.

[Morty doesn't scare him...but he is that dangerous "friend" that he wants to keep from being provoked, because he has no optimism that it wouldn't end badly for anyone else. Knowing how to not poke the bear is the safest way to work with one.

And now there's you, Louis. Giving him a perspective and understanding and not immediately expecting him to react in any specific way. And he's in a place where that isn't a red flag to put him on guard.]

Not having this come with an expectation is nice though. I think with Dad I needed the expectation because it was his way of trusting me. It was his legs, after all. And I would have been suspicious if there wasn't an expectation for why he just approached me that day.

[splittingheadache]

[Again, Louis listens and takes it all in, taking a moment to think everything over.]

I'm glad, then, that by this point, you seem to have learned that you don't need expectations for...

... A friendship.

[There was definitely a bit of hesitation there, using the word friendship. It's nothing on Nine - it's still just something Louis actively fears.
And, yes, he's still deciding that Nine's his friend. Despite fearing it.]

... With all that you've gone through, you deserve to have people in your life who expect nothing from you. Especially when you're still young.
To try and grow through expectation would be like a plant attempting to grow through...

Well, through asphalt.

[shatterdriven]

[He definitely catches the hesitation and his ear flicks a little. Not because it's weird or suspicious...it's relatable. He still hesitates to call anyone else friend specifically. So he won't judge, especially when Louis didn't have to express it at all.]

I'm glad the feeling is mutual. I don't have any expectations unless you say you're going to do something first.

[splittingheadache]

Mm. Well, I unfortunately can't say I'm often a man of my word... but that's generally because I have moments where I am not paying attention to whatever it is I'm saying.
You'll likely recognize when that is. If it happens, please feel free to dismiss whatever drivel comes out of my mouth, because I guarantee I'm already dismissing it, myself.

[... He may or may not be somewhat mentally unwell. Somewhat. Maybe a little.]

That said - I am a man of honor. If, in those moments, I promise you something that your heart becomes set upon... tell me, and I'll do my best to make it happen regardless.

[shatterdriven]

Fair enough. I consider myself pretty honest with what I tell people. I'm not going to say I will or won't do something if I'm not planning to follow through. But I only do things outside of what I've said in emergencies, or with actively dangerous people and situations.

[Emotional wellness is relative. Nine will support where he can since they're doing this.]

And I will.

[splittingheadache]

... Actively dangerous people.

[Yeah. Hm. If they're doing this, maybe he should... be a little more honest.
Though, it's clear enough Louis doesn't feel great about it, considering he's looking away as he starts talking.]

Ah... I suppose there is... a bit more about me that I ought to be open about.
In general, I do my best to be pleasant and good-natured with others. But... I can't say I'm... "all here," as they say.

As I mentioned, my powers dole out - ah, what did I call them? "Psychedelic effects"? To be more precise, they deal hallucinations and paranoia, among other things.
And... that magic is stored within my blood. It courses through me, constantly, in the form of what we call "psychotoxins"; that is, a substance that can kill with a high enough dose, and muddles the mind even at its lowest doses.

...

And I am not immune to it, despite being full to the brim with it.
I'm sure you can understand what it is I'm getting at. There are times where I can't say I'm in control of myself... though I do my best to keep myself leashed and collared to prevent that.

There's a reason my name is Loupgarou, I suppose.